Is it possible… is it possible that Hollywood, instinctively knowing that its audience is sick and tired of its b.s. parade of shoddy sequels, has in a desperate grab for our attention spat up a sequel for Apes that is in fact good? More than good, actually—the best flick of 2017? It’s like they finally set aside the produce-filled facials and cryotherapy and other dumb nonsense and decided to write a good script and hire a competent cast and crew. Well, bravo! I whole-heartedly agree that this below is a movie worth spending money on at the theater.
WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES
Thanks to the ‘simian flu,’ the apes are now smart and the humans cannot talk, and the predictably evil Colonel (an insane, bald Woody Harrelson) decides to make one last stand against Caesar (Andy Serkis) and his kind. Don’t expect much action, because other than that one showdown, the flick has none. It’s more of a contemplative, slow-burning thriller portraying Caesar’s emotional struggle between the need for vengeance and the instinctive drive to simply retreat to safety. But Reeves makes such a compelling case for the simians that you may well find yourself hoping your own species is wiped off the face of the earth. The CGI deserves an Oscar, as does Andy Serkis for his brilliant motion-capture performance. It’s quite possible that this sequel will change the sort of apes one will find in future installments (apologies to Frank Schaffner – the 1968 flick with Charlton Heston was indeed brilliant). Here’s the trailer:
Going for steaminess? You’ll find only disappointment. Alec Baldwin as a blind, cranky author and one half of a romantic pair? Seriously?? All I see is Trump. Maybe if the script was better – like, way better. The other half of this silly couple is Demi Moore, who plays a Manhattan socialite doing community service after her rich a*holish hubby (Dylan McDermott) gets taken away by the feds for shady Wall Street deals (collateral damage sucks).Demi coulda been comeback-fab in this if her character was more than just a predictable, easily offended b*. Part of ‘Suzanne’s’ community service involves reading to the blind, and hence the two meet and instantly clash, and that leads to romance. Nope, no clothes flying off or any such fun stuff, so forget any of that sort of excitement to keep you awake. That’s right, this would be great for a nap in a cool, darkened hall with the sounds of popcorn being eaten and sodas being guzzled… if there are even any other people around, which might well be unlikely with this sort of swill. View the trailer here:
Wish to see something else. Joey King (White House Down, The Conjuring) plays a teenager who happens upon an ancient music box which grants seven wishes. Only, people will die if she uses the wishes. Have I said this enough times? All the stories have been told. The only thing unique anymore is the execution of the idea, and unfortunately there’s just nothing unique here—at all. Leonetti is a brilliant cinematographer (Annabelle, The Conjuring), but as a director he has a long way to go… hopefully with better scripts.
And that’s it for me for this weekend, folks! Have a rockin’ good time with Andy Serkis and his CGI apes!