Yuppers! An all-round winner. Stuck with kids on Valentine’s Day? Bring them along! They’ll love the silly antics, while you enjoy the fine psychological and political subtext. As Batman struggles with his inner emptiness, an emotional Joker tries to get him to admit that they’re nothing without each other. Naturally Batman puts the Joker away with other fine baddies such as Agent Smith and Sauron. And naturally lovelies like the Riddler, Harley Quinn and Two-Face break out. To which Batman’s surrogate family (commissioner Gordon/ Rosario Dawson, adoptive son/ Michael Cera, and Alfred/ Ralph Fiennes) bands together to assist, forcing Batman to admit something he’s never wanted to. Yeah, it’s kinda incoherent—that’s what happens when you have six writers. But how can you not enjoy such irreverent insanity when you have Zach Galifianakis playing the Joker, Conan playing the Riddler and Will Arnett as Batman? Here’s the trailer:
FIFTY SHADES DARKER
Just in time for Valentine’s Day comes a sequel that… you’re bound to pass up on. Not kidding. Fans – see this at your own risk. Trust me—no amount of dry humping and moaning and spit-swopping will make this quivering mess interesting. Guess which flick?
I’m totally watching the box office on this one—I doubt it’ll do as well as the original. Things were fine when we had sanity at the helm—but with a leader famous for his fascinating bias towards women trying to steer us into the guard rail, I doubt that a flick promoting female submission and overall stupidity is gonna do well. That’s right, it’s more of the same in the sequel. After Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) leaves Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), she comes right back like a dope to suffer more nonsense. This time, the woman who “made” him (Kim Basinger), and an old flame (Bella Heathcote) are back in his life, and neither likes Anastasia. Yawn! Not worth the ticket price. Here’s the trailer:
Instead, how about some satisfying a** kicking by the still-hot Keanu Reeves?
JOHN WICK 2
For a change, a sequel that adds to the franchise! How about that. In this installment, an Italian gangster (Ricardo Scarmacio) wants his sister (Claudia Gerini) axed, and our fave hit man (Reeves) has moral issues about it. The action starts in Rome and ends appropriately in NYC. ‘Morpheus’ is there again as Wick’s frenemy. The gunfights are absolutely splendid, and the pace will have you wide awake.Trust me, you’ll leave the theater with a smile on your face. Trailer:
Alrighty then, see you at the movies! Tweet me, tell me what you saw. And Happy Valentine’s Day!