Back from the dead, yes I am! And I trust all of you are coming back to life as well, since the best season of all is finally, finally dawning upon us. And by golly we’re gonna enjoy it, no matter what it takes. Right? Right! So let’s see what’s the most exciting thing out there at the moment – in theaters, that is 🙂 … of course, there is that one stunning event in our nation’s history unfolding upon us even now…!
I’m not sure if I told you—or even if you care (OMG do you? Do you? Please say yes! Or I’ll drown in misery)—I like Tom Cruise. He might be a nut, but he’s also a consummate professional. When it comes to movies he’s in, he just throws himself into the project: his acting is convincing (at least it convinces me), his persona magnetic, and he shills as much as he can to get people to come watch. It’s sort of all or nothing with him. Unfortunately, it seems there was nothing he could do about that s****y script. And that’s what hinders Universal’s reboot of this awesome story. Mummy stories have always fascinated me. Something coming back to life, like that, with all that mythology surrounding it—there’s no story quite like it. But a poor script can ruin the best of stories.
Upcoming star Sofia Boutella (STAR TREK BEYOND) does a good job as Princess Ahmanet, a character who’s sadly written as very one-note: she was an unpleasant young woman; and back from the dead, her agenda hasn’t changed any. There’s just nothing likeable about her that an audience will identify with. That’s a crucial error. Tom is good as the rogue US soldier who happens upon the grave, and so’s Annabelle Wallis as (hottie) archaeologist Jenny Halsey, and so’s Russell Crowe as Henry Jekyll, surgeon-turned-killer and rep for the ‘organization.’ The CGI is excellent, as is the cinematography. As for the action, there’s a ton of it—so much, in fact, that it interferes with the development of the story. That’s another big mistake.
As for subplots and ideas, there’s no shortage. I can see what Universal is trying to do—they’re throwing in as much as possible, trying to set up a big universe for sequels. But they forgot that they need to make us care about these situations and characters if we’re to remember them—or this whole theatrical release (advertisement, really… the money’s all in streaming rights and distribution these days) is utterly useless. In the end it just becomes a couple of forgettable hours spent futzing around in the desert sand in the hopes of finding an ice-cold drink while fending off zombies and miscellaneous crazies.
But, tell me now… who needs a movie when we have the super-amazing, blistering, stunning, all-consuming DC Super Bowl? Yes, ladies and gentlemen! Round one: James… Comey!!!