Spring has sprung! And I’m sure you noticed my wish from last week for mild snows was ruthlessly crushed by the universe. Just a fun way of the powers-that-be showing us we’re as ants in the grand scheme of things (yeah the ants think I’m a total a**). Isn’t life fun? Alright… and now let’s see what’s new and fresh at the theater this weekend 🙂
PACIFIC RIM: UPRISING
Verdict: pass. Unless the only thing you’re interested in seeing is some serious metal-on-kaiju action. So a decade has passed since the kaiju were defeated and the portal sealed, but Earth is a mess. Jake Pentecost (son of Marshal Pentecost/ Idris Elba), former Pacific military/ current Jaeger parts smuggler, does shady deals alongside prodigy Amara (Cailee Spaeny)—until they don’t. During their assigned punishment/ training camp, Jake finds his former frenemy/ pilot partner Nate (Scott Eastwood). There’s sort of a love triangle but not really. In a pointed nod to Chinese audiences, Shao Industries—headed by the mean Liwen Shao (Jing Tian)—specializes in making more efficient Jaegers. It’s also infiltrated by nutty Dr. Geiszler (Charlie Day), who’s a bit more into kaijus than he should be. Does all this sound wooden? Perhaps even reminiscent of other flicks in certain parts… um…Star Wars? Even so, it had a chance (John Boyega is excellent), had the script not been so cringe-worthy. But, not to worry, the CGI will make up for it… kinda… okay, it’s more B than anything. Again, you don’t have to listen to me. Here’s the trailer:
Oh God not another teen weepy! But yes it is. Apparently Hollywood has run out of domestic flicks to redo-this one is a reboot of a 2006 Japanese movie… which I’m sure was way better. Our sweet teenager Katie (Bella Thorne) can’t be exposed to sunlight due to a skin condition that could cause cancer. Her dates with her crush (Patrick Schwarzenegger) must end before the sun comes up. Sorta like a mash-up of Cinderella and any generic vampire flick, sanitized to perfection. Consider yourself warned.
And that’s pretty much it for this weekend. Yeah, even more meh than Alicia Vikander’s Lara Croft… I didn’t even think that possible. But it’s probably a good thing, since we’re recovering from the snow this past couple of days—well, at least those of us on the east coast, right ladies and gents? Those of you on the west coast probably even don’t know what season it is until those pumpkin lattes come out. At which point you’ll huddle in your sweaters in that inhospitable sixty-degree weather and whine about… absolutely nothing. Now tweet me and let me know your true feelings on my opinions—let’s see if you’re brave enough. Adios!