Hey there, everyone! How’s the mall these days? How’s that online shopping going? Remember it’s the thought… oh who am I kidding… while I burn up the streets of Baltimore in my brand new R8…! Yeah, right. I’m full of it. But that’s okay, so are you. And I love it! Now let’s examine the new crop and see if there’s anything these clowns in Hollywood have come up with that will make you smile.
Not you, PASSENGERS 🙂 It’s a wasted opportunity for an amazing film about the time paradox. The cast is brilliant. The lead roles’ onscreen chemistry, brilliant. Their acting, brilliant. The effects, brilliant. The script, s***. The directing, poor. This could’ve been a wonderfully creepy flick about a psychopath, and how a would-be bimbo figures out his tactics. Instead we have Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt in a stupid meet-cute.
Still, the first two acts—the set-up, instigating event, and romance—are wonderful. Pratt’s mechanical engineer Jim wanders about in what looks like an elegant, high-tech, empty mall, but which is in fact the Avalon, a corporate spaceship transporting five thousand cryosleeping passengers. Michael Sheen’s robot butler will make you wonder why in heck he wasn’t given more screen time. And JLaw is as always, a flashy, competent jewel of an actress in the role of a naïve passenger, Aurora. Sure there are loopholes, but ignore them, and you’ll have a lovely ride—right up to where things begin to fall apart. And to think this could’ve been the next GRAVITY. Maybe next time, Mr. Morten Tyldum? Here’s the trailer:
So sick of hearing about the Knights Templar! Probably because of that silly reality show Oak Island on the History Channel that turned out to be totally fake. Apparently in 1492, these fellas were looking for the apple from the Tree Of Knowledge because it can control all thought (but apparently not Trump’s.). As the war with their opponents the Assassins spills over into the present day, a certain Mr. Callum Lynch (Michael Fassbender) is whisked from death row, hooked up to the ‘Animus,’ and forced to relive the life of his ancestor—an Assassin from 1492 named Aguilar. At which point all the preening and posing took its toll on me, stunning CGI and awesome fight choreography notwithstanding.
You know, I always thought video game adaptations were kinda trashy—too much so for the likes of the high and mighty. I mean, Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Charlotte Rampling… wow. If that isn’t star-studded, I don’t know what is. I guess DC Comics and Marvel have totally changed the kind of fare actors want to star in these days. So even if you get bored trying to find some kind of meaning in the script, you’ll be entertained by the exquisite acting… and some very finely toned flesh. Here’s the trailer:
That’s it for me. Tweet me, darlings! And Happy Holidays from everyone at Reel Mama!