Question for you—why do we go to the movies? Is it to admire the script, to enjoy character arcs, to experience someone’s philosophical vision…? God, no. We go there to forget. And this weekend, that remarkable goal has been spectacularly achieved by Vogt-Roberts, maker of KONG: SKULL ISLAND.
It’s true that this B-movie features big stars like Brie Larson (sidelined… darn!), Samuel Jackson (still awesome), John C. Reilly (brilliant!), Tom Hiddleston (very pretty), and so on—but you’re not gonna give a s*** about any of them. Get that popcorn ready, and those sodas—’coz you’ll be stuffing your face as you gape in wonder at someone who apparently has more talent in a single nuance than all those aforementioned lovelies… Kong!
As for the story—it’s about a 1973 mission to the unexplored Skull Island led by Bill Randa (John Goodman), and his team featuring an ex-British SAS captain (Hiddleston), a chopper squadron leader (Jackson), a war photographer who distrusts Randa’s motives (Larson), and the guy who’s been living alone on the island for far too long (Reilly). But you won’t care about any of them once Kong appears. Which is often. And good, because the script sucks, despite all the nods to Vietnam-era flicks, pop culture refs and such. You and your kids will be rolling in monster heaven, thanks to the pterodactyls, giant bugs, and beyond. Round that off with the meddling military’s fun fleet of gunships and Kong’s ultimate nemesis, and it’s good times for one and all! Here’s the trailer:
THE OTTOMAN LIEUTENANT
This wartime romance flick is nice if you… have nothing else to watch. It’s pre-WW1 Turkey, the Turks are slaughtering the Armenians, and Jude (a wooden Josh Hartnett) is a doctor in a rudimentary ‘hospital’ where he works with the jaded, weary Dr. Woodruff (Ben Kingsley phoning it in). Lillie (Hera Hilmar) is the nurse who falls for the handsome Turkish lieutenant (Michiel Huisman), much to Jude’s chagrin. Add some clichéd dialogue and voila! Straight to streaming? On the plus side, the cinematography is stunning. Here’s the trailer:
And now for the really bold ones who’re way past SKULL ISLAND and such fare. Are you bold enough? Thirty-three-year-old Julia DuCournau has made her mark in male-dominated territory through this flick about cannibalism. Justine (Garance Marillier) is a young female veterinary student and strict vegetarian who, through a hazing ritual, is forced to eat a rabbit kidney. Things get darker with the appearance of a livestock hauler who knows way too much about the fun similarities between porcine and human flesh. Nice! And just as you’re squirming, the virginal Justine experiences a sexual awakening via wild campus parties. As you watch the screen through your fingers, you’ll soon realize that the grisly parts are in fact the least scary. Isn’t college fun? Here’s the trailer:
I trust I’ve left you satisfied? Yes? No? Tweet me! And I’ll see you at the movies!