So spring certainly came in like a lion, at least for me! I hope yours has been more mellow. That’s life, I guess. I’m just glad you’re here. I’m ever grateful for the chance to entertain. So let’s head on over to the theaters, see if there’s anything new worth the cash…
This is a remake of Tom Hanks’ BIG, remade from a girl’s perspective. Impetuous tech mogul Jordan (Regina Hall; the long-suffering assistant is played hilariously by Issa Rae) is transformed into her thirteen-year-old self (Marsai Martin) after pissing off the wrong person, and is faced with a whole new set of problems in the form of a nightmarish junior high… where she was relentlessly bullied. It’s a great comedic effort for sure, and is significant for the presence of Marsai Martin. Only fifteen years old, she already has executive producer credit. Now that’s yuge! Marsai has her own production company Genius Productions and is determined to open doors for others who feel their voices are not being heard. Very cool indeed – that alone is worth the theater ticket. Check out the trailer:
I think a lot of screenwriters smoke crack. Either that, or films are shot on such stupid schedules there’s no time to fix bad scripts… such as this one. Teen Hellboy’s (David Harbour) story is similar to that of every other human teen—he’s sick of his dad (Ian McShane) and working with him, while dad just wants the best for his son. They’re busy protecting humanity from assorted demons at the BPRD, when along comes Blood Queen Nimue (Milla Jovovich), who decides Hellboy would be a fabulous asset in her business plan of turning the world into a paradise for demons. Sadly, instead of focusing on these awesome emotional conflicts, the filmmakers have decided to beat us over the head with boring scenes of gore starring Hellboy. Still, it’s nice to observe Milla in action, and witness the other lead actors’ equally potent onscreen charisma:
Ho-hum. A teen version of Fifty Shades Of Grey, which even has a similar route to the big screen: the film is based on crazy-popular Wattpad stories written by Anna Todd, about a freshman Tessa (Josephine Langford) who falls in love with a ‘bad boy.’ I’ll skip the boring details. Anna based the male lead on Harry Styles of One Direction, which annoyed many of the group’s fans. So is it also soft porn? You tell me:
And now a peek into my heart! Yes, I’m sick of hiding what I really love. So how about you? Do you care? Will you join me and the hordes of Star Wars fans in watching it? Join me… and together… we’ll have a great time! Bwa ha ha!!!!!